Monday, June 05, 2006

Negative Reinforcement

Despair you Carolina Hurricanes. You upstart mutt castoffs of more pedigreed NHL franchises. You high first round draft picks that should rightly be playing in Toronto or Boston instead of Raleigh. You grizzled veterans who've dared mock tradition to sign with a team that dared to abandon cozy little hockey-mad Hartford for Greensboro. You stand no chance against a storied Edmonton Oiler franchise backed by a legacy of Stanley Cups and the very gods of hockey themselves. You play in a market undeserving of professional hockey. Your own media mocks and patronizes your fans with articles on hockey buzzwords and what to wear to look the part. Your own media (exceptions being Luke DeCock and the 850 crew) thinks you are but a spring-time blip on the radar.

So go ahead and tank. It's the right thing to do. You've had a nice little run, but seriously, it needs to end now. Nobody is watching anyway. Global sports media are fixated on South Beach Shaq and Mark Cuban, A-Rod, TO and on the start of the World Cup of diving and momentary catastrophic injuries.

Just act like you're frustrated and perplexed by the relentless Oilers attack. Glide around with your heads down and your sticks across your knees and look like it really hurts to lose 4-1. You are just not worthy. Hell, even the monkey has picked against you. It's time for folks in North Carolina to get back to thinking about NASCAR, hating Herb (kinda harder to do now, eh?) and harvesting tobacco...And don't even get the media started on the evils of tobacco.

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