Tucson has to be the premiere backwater for AM radio. Yeah, we get the major syndicated shows, but the local media mavens fill programming slots with an amazing array of pap. Whether it's 15 second bumper sermons from the local Evangelical preacher or advertiser-driven infomercials disguised as news, sports or entertainment, Tucson bad radio is world-class bad radio.
AM 1290 starts their drive-time with Mike and Chuck. Today they stepped out in support of Mary Cheney following the somewhat non-traditional birth of her daughter. She's a lesbian, ya know, and the boys wanted everybody to know that they think there's nothing wrong with that. Not sure who said there was anything wrong with it, but why stand in the way of the crusade du jour.
Here's roughly how each segment goes. Mike introduces a topic and gives his take. Chuck agrees with Mike and then re-sets the take. Mike and Chuck spend five or six minutes complementing each other for the thoughtfulness and social compassion they demonstrate in their take, then they go to commercial. No Rosie/Elisabeth fireworks on the Mike and Chuck show, just French kisses. Yeah, they suck, but who you gonna call? The program director? Uh, that would be Chuck.
AM 1290, The Source, is why we need no stinking Fairness Doctrine. From the political left you get moon-bat progressive radio in the morning followed by a right-wing counter punch of Armageddon-obsessed Glenn Beck in the afternoon. At least Beck makes you laugh. The first time I heard him on the radio last summer, he was doing this "why it would suck to be a Penguin," rant. That had me rolling even more than Dana Carvey's story about Christopher Walken on Dennis Miller's show from the other day.
Slide right on the AM dial and you have 1330, The Jolt. This station is even deeper in the hurt locker than 1290. They used to feature Officer O'Reilly during the PM commute, now they offer a cornucopia of rotating afternoon drive-time shows including:
- Zeeman's Restaurant Corner: hosted by guys do a real good job of pimping their restaurants, and their friends restaurants. Restaurateur culture is mui incestuous, no?
- Radio Pet-Vet:sure to be a revenue booster for the local veterinarian-host in a town with thousands of widowed Eva Gabors ready to drop $10-20 k on any real or imagined technique that might add a few years to the Lapso Apso's lifespan.
- Cleaning with Doug DePugh: I kid you not. If a guy whose name, roughly translated from the Quebecois, means, "The Stink," can't get you psyched about cleaning, who can?
But the best programming on 1330 appears to be Tuesdays with Those Feng Shui Guys. Now before last Tuesday evening, I had no idea what Feng Shui was. At first I thought it was gonna be a martial arts show. Pronounced, Fung-Shway, it has something to do with interior design. My guess is that it involves paper lanterns and sitting cross-legged on the floor around teeny tables, but I'm afraid to delve too deeply for fear of releasing my inner Big Gay Al.
Are they playing hockey yet?