Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Cullen is back!

My favorite '06 Stanley Cup Championship photo
(still can believe Mark Recchi is as good as he is with that physique)

Matt Cullen for Andrew Hutchinson and head-case Joe Barnes. I like it. The Canes now have four solid centermen. Cullen and Alexander Hamilton in the house should also mean a significant boost for the pathetic Canes PP. I think JR still needs to infuse some physicality and puck-carrying moxy to that blueline. Commie and Frankie are going to be solid. After those two, I gots me some trepidations. Heddy and Wes now qualify for AARP membership. Gleason is a loose cannon. Wallin is steady but unspectacular. That questionable blueline is the only thing that keeps me from feeling pretty good about this roster.

Glad this trade hit the wires. Here's what I was gonna write about today...

Remember that old Sam Kinison bit where he talks about getting married and having his wife immediately seize his manhood? Kinison says she keeps it in her purse or the freezer and only brings it out when she needs it. In the bit, he pretends to get a call from one of his buddies with an invite to join the boys for some boozing and male bonding. He holds his hand over the receiver and asks his wife if he can have his manhood back for the night. She says no f***ing way. So he gets back on the line and tells his buddy that he has the green light to shoot him if he passes by and sees him in the yard, because he's lost the will to live as a eunuch.

I must be heading down that road, because with hockey on hiatus, I'm venturing dangerously into metrosexualville. Winery tours, historic homes, and now I'm now totally into this Food Network show, "The Next Food Network Star." I go away to Orlando and the gay guy, who I thought was gonna walk away with the whole thing, gets whacked. My guy, the ex-Marine, "Jag," finds a way to stay in the game despite repeated implosions, but then has to cop to lying on his application for the show. Bummer, cause anybody who can make a deep-fried meatloaf work for 75 soldiers deserves to win the whole thing. So Jag is now gone, and we're left with a hottie mom and a nasty girl from Texas with a big ole' pair of...eyes. I'm suddenly not missing Jag so much. So don't kill me yet boys. I'm not yet to the state Sam Kinison described. Gotta check the freezer when I get home.

Thank you JR and welcome back Matt Cullen. Neither you or AWard got much love in the land of our beloved hockey maven. It's a good day to be a Caniac.

9 comments:

magnolia_mer said...

I love that picture!

This news has made my summer. I am so happy I can't stop dancing.

(and that Kinison bit is classic. "No, uh-uh. I can't go guys. Why? 'CAUSE SHE'S GOT MY D---!")

CasonBlog said...

Do you love me? DO YOU! THEN KILL ME!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

One of the best laffs of ever.

d-lee said...

Alexander Hamilton.
That was friggin hilarious. I did a spit-take, and I wasn't even enjoying a beverage. That's how funny that was, amigo.

I love this deal. I think JR's not done. We'll probably send Letowski packing for a defenseman.

CasonBlog said...

I guess my boy Danny Markov is just a bit too expensive. Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture...

PB said...

Um...Food Network?

In order to view athletes who have endure the extremes in pushing limits (not unlike hockey players that do the same thing), we have been caught up in the Tour de France.

Actually, we've been hooked on it since Lance's last ride, but I can't imagine doing what these guys do day in and day out for three weeks.

Of course, I think the same way about hockey players...There's no way I can do their jobs...

CasonBlog said...

My mom is hooked on the Tour. She watches for the scenery. I had to tell her what the peloton was. I think she thought it was the name of that team in the pretty robin's egg blue tights.

I guess that makes you and my mom part of VS's core demo. Join me on the dark side, PB. Watch the Next Food Network Star. We can do a roundtable.

Marsha said...

Well, if hockey players can wear garters & still maintain mojo, I suppose you can go metrosexual with your Food Network show and keep your street cred. Blog on, dude!

Ingmar "W" Bergman said...

Re Recchi:

I believe the words you're looking for is Tkachukesque physique.. no?

PB said...

As far as the Next Food Network Star goes...I'll bite...

after the drug infested Tour de France is over.

;-)